Goodbye cast, hello Dee Brown boot

by Brian

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That doesn’t look quite right….

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The red beast

Finally, the monster on my leg is gone. I have been in some sort of cast for the last 6 weeks, and let me tell you it has been a party. There is nothing quite like going from completely independent, driving around like a maniac from place to place on a whim, to being confined to the couch or other objects where one can rest a busted stump. I know, I have had this surgery twice before but for some reason my collective memory just likes to delete the bad things. You know, like trying to take a shower while half your dominant leg has to remain dry.

What? You try and be 6’4″, balance on one foot, while washing your glorious body with your leg sticking out under the curtain. It is very hard to do.

Yeah, that photo above is kind of nasty looking. Mind you, I would have been alarmed had I not been high off my ass on pain killers and 18 hours deep into a nerve block. Those things are on the same level as unicorns and rainbows, just magical. Apparently there was too large of a gap between two of the sutures leading to a large amount of blood draining out onto the dressing. Looks pretty rad, though.

Yes, I still say rad, get over it.

The doc put me into a regular plaster cast after about two weeks, which allowed the swelling to go down. I have to admit I was thinking the worst when he told me it would be another 4 weeks before my leg was free, as I am not one that sits still well. I was that kid who turned into a hyper hypo after ingesting any form of caffeine. I am still that way, just a bit taller now. I really think they should start a reality TV show called “Brian on Caffeine” which would basically be me downing various forms of the substance while on camera. Think Robin Williams on a 3 day bender minus the hard drugs.

I get distracted easily, too, as you can see.

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6 week old embedded stitches felt good coming out…nope.

My point is that being confined to hopping on one foot and using crutches in the dead of winter while having the energy of 7 humans after a Starbucks run is not a whoooole lot of fun. Add in Mother Nature being entirely bipolar and off her Lithium this winter and you have a very cagey Brian.

As with everything, the 6 weeks finally ended and I got to go back to the surgeons office to have said plaster bastard cut off my leg. Now, I don’t care what anyone says or how many times the technician shows me that the plaster saw can’t cut skin, my brain still thinks it is going to cut my entire leg off. I am a grown ass man and I should know by now, but I still jumped like the man was using a table saw he just picked up from Home Depot.

Shut up. Don’t judge me.

Once that sucker was off, Cruella and her tweezers descended on my wounds to remove the last of the sutures. Now, I am not a doctor, but I have had enough stitches in my life to know that 6 weeks is a hell of a long time to leave those bad boys in. Sure enough, a lot of digging and pulling had to be done to get those evil things out. Not going to lie, I was a little bitch about it. And I didn’t even get a damn lollipop at the end.

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I think you forgot something in there, Doc.

Finally, I got to move around the office a bit on my crutches with nothing but my own two feet. Well, I would say one and a half feet at this point because my right ankle felt like a raw pork chop dangling from my leg. Off to the x-ray room I went, where they took a few films of what I thought were going to be films of a normal looking foot. You know, because I just had surgery for that very purpose. When Doc came by to show me his handiwork, I almost rolled off the table. Check out the size of that screw! Now, I knew he was going to do a calcaneal osteotomy, but I didn’t think that involved firing a railroad tie into the bottom of my foot. Hot damn, that is some hardware.

If you look closely at the x-ray, you can see the actual osteotomy, where part of the bone was removed. The long, dark thin line near the middle of the screw that looks like it hurts like an SOB because it does?

Yeah, that one.

Yeesh, this might be a longer healing process then I initially thought. Doc did say that I will never feel anything, that the screw is embedded deep into the bone. I hope he is right, as part of this surgery was removing hardware that malfunctioned from the last procedure.

Anyway, this is all progress in the direction of getting back into running shoes and back onto the trails. I am now in a gigantic walking boot that Dee Brown would be proud of – this bad boy comes with a pump.

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My boot is high tech, which just means it was expensive

Say whaaaaat?

Don’t be mad because I had the original Reebok pumpS back in the day. Those jammies were dope…although I may have worn them with tapered jeans and French rolls…aaaaaaand scene.

I am not allowed to walk or drive just yet, which is a bummer. i thought I was going to be leaving the Doc’s office on my own two feet, but alas, that didn’t happen. I have another two weeks on the pegs, with 50% weight bearing starting next week and onto full weight bearing the following week. After having been laid up for as long as I have so far, two more weeks shouldn’t be all that bad. Unless I start pounding Jolt Cola, which will land me on CNN as a nutjob crutching down the center of the Mass pike waving at the cars going by. I’ll stick to water.

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That is a serious cankle

Well, that is about all I have for now. I will post more as I progress through the weeks. I will leave ya’ll with a last cankle shot. Having only had the sutures totally removed a few days ago, it doesn’t look so bad. But that is some serious edema, on the real…

Have a great weekend and good luck to all of you bundling up and heading out on Sunday for those Boston Marathon long runs – I can’t wait to join ya!

-B

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